this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tonight lets celebrate not being married
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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