WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
