Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
