The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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