You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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