All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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