Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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