So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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