I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Such a big mess for such a small penis
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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