$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I touched a dick in church today
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
