I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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