Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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