sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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