My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
