Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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