Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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