I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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