Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
