i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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