I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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