I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
