So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
