Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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