I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
