Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
