think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
