No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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