hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
