I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
