I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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