It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
