The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
