i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
