I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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