tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
