i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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