today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
