There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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