Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
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it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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