Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize