there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
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Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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