Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I currently don't understand fingers.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
