Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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