oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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