So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
