If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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