I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
