If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
