i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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