how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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