Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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