FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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