Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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