You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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