if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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