My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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