3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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