We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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