Betty ford says i'm here all night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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