Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
